CSPA Revises Licensing Standards

Class E:

• Leaps tall building with a single bound.
• Is faster than a speeding bullet.
• Can fly faster than a mighty rocket.
• More swift than a diesel train.
• Gives policy guidance to God.

Class D:

• Must take a running start to leap over tall building.
• Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
• When flying, cannot penetrate atmosphere.
• As swift as a locomotive.
• Talks with God.

Class C:

• Can leap over short building only.
• Not quite as fast as a speeding bullet.
• Only flies as high as commercial transports.
• Must hang onto train to keep up with it.
• Listens to God.

Class B:

• Crashes into buildings when attempting to jump over them.
• Can shoot bullets.
• Has trouble flying.
• Must ride on train in order to keep up with it.
• Talks to the animals.

Class A:

• Cannot recognize buildings.
• Wounds self with bullets when attempting to shoot gun.
• Cannot fly, cannot even walk fast.
• Is afraid of trains.
• Talks to the walls.